“When we compare ourselves to others, we will always feel better than or less than our true selves.”
That said, it’s also important to surround ourselves with people who challenge us to run faster, think bigger, walk longer. But not because THEY do, but because that is what we want and need for ourselves.
With all of the people that I meet, it is no surprise that many are living big and powerful lives. They inspire me, motivate me, and serve as a beacon for how full and rich I want my life to be.
But sometimes, I meet someone who seems to be doing everything that I envision for myself. They are clearly doing their heart work. They are financially very successful and they seem to have a beautiful balance of mind, body and spirit. They are leaping and bounding with such joy and authenticity and effortlessness.
While I am excited and happy for their successes, I sometimes fall into that place of comparing myself, my progress, my life, with theirs.
And it is not a pretty place.
It is tight. It is withholding. It is that dark, green place of envy.
And in that place of envy, I can actually FEEL the ugliness ball up inside of my heart, for feeling anything but joyful for them finding their way.
Several weeks ago, as I was reading about a coaching program that a colleague was launching, I could feel myself falling into that space of envy. Because she and I are, in many ways, so similar, I felt a resentment that she was experiencing so much success so quickly.
For days, I was grumpy, unmotivated, feeling like I was never going to experience the same level of success that she was.
And I knew that, if I continued to stay stuck in this place of envy, I really WOULDN’T move forward in my life.
Because, by comparing myself to her, I was completely NOT respecting who I am, the pace that I do things, what MY unique path is.
But how to move out of envy?
1. First, it helps to identify WHAT it is, exactly, that you are envious of. What is it that you wish you had for yourself?
2. Step back and see if you do, in fact, already have some semblance of that in your life. Often, what we see in others is simply a reflection of something in ourselves.
3. Ask yourself, how do I or how can I benefit from what this person is doing/being? How can I turn this around to something that feels good?
4. Ask yourself, how can you release the envy and find a place of grace?
I wrote my colleague a note, congratulating her on her success, thanking her for being such a role model and inspiration. I wished her continued success and love. And I meant it.
I found a way to be grateful for who she is and what she is doing.
And the ugly ball of envy disappeared.
So how do you stand in grace between envy and gratitude?
Feel free to share your story by clicking on the Comments below.
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from Tammy:
what an absolutely amazing blog! Am going to share the envy thing on my blog tomorrow.
You’ve really nailed it: both the feeling and the get over it! Thank you!
from Joy: What I find helpful even when I have to or in the beginning struggle to write it or say it is this: “X is in her perfect place and is healthy, happy and prosperous.” This continues to both remove non-helpful bits from me and make room for what I prefer…and probably don’t do too badly for the object, either!
Also thought you might like yesterday’s message from Neale Donale Walsch:
On this day of your life, dear friend, I believe God wants you to know…
..that when you pray for anyone, you tend to modify
your personal attitude toward them.Norman Vincent Peale said that, and he touched on
something truly profound. If someone is vexing you
right now, say a prayer for that person. Send them all
of your best energies.”
Nothing changes the environment like one person
deciding to love another, no matter what.