Flexibility. Following the energy. Asking for what you want. This is life on the road.
Day 6
Painted Rocks Campground, Yuba Lake State Park, Utah
We were supposed to leave on Monday for our next camp site, but it was so quiet and spacious at Yuba Lake State Park, with only three other campers in the entire campground. So we stayed an extra day.
Marika spent much of the day outside with her binoculars, watching the birds. She saw western kingbirds, Bullock’s orioles, yellow warblers, Blackburnian warblers, western tanagers, white crowned sparrows, killdeer, mourning doves, Canada geese, white pelicans, black billed magpies, a robin, and some swallows.
And Tillie and I did something that was bigger than a bucket list item, all about a dream come true. She ran next to me while I rode my bike. She watched me, I watched her, and we rode the length of the camp road, twice. She loved it, I loved it, and Marika took pictures of the whole thing.
Day 7
Yuba Lake to Antelope Island
I was expecting the day to be the horrendous traffic/construction drive through Salt Lake City Day, and so the morning blessing was all about courtesy and ease and safety.
But it was an easy drive 150 mile drive from Yuba Lake State Park to Antelope Island, with no construction or delays, not even through Salt Lake City. I guessed the fifty miles of construction began after the exit we took for Antelope Island. So we would experience it on our NEXT traveling day, which would be a short, one hour hop up to Brigham City. This meant that, even if it took twice as long, it would still be a very short driving day. Now I could lean in to being on Antelope Island for the next two days without fretting.
As soon as we pulled in, I unpacked the inside of the RV and Marika sat outside with her binoculars, watching and listening to the Meadowlark, the orange headed blackbirds, the Western Kingbird. She even hung a hummingbird feeder because someone on youtube said they do pass through.
This was our first time in over a year that we were boondocking, which meant we had no hookups to water or electricity. We had forty five gallons in our fresh water tank, and full batteries for the 12 volt system which runs the lights and the water pump. We also had solar panels connected to an inverter if we needed 110 volts to run the TV or my mini blender. The fridge was switched from electricity to propane, and the stove is always fueled by propane. It’s wasn’t too warm to need the air-conditioner, but if we did, we could turn on the generator to run it, and if it got too cold, we had propane heat. And, we had amazing panoramic views.
The terrain out my writing window was slow and low rolling hills covered with the same sticker weeds as the last campground. Trees had been planted at each campsite, but it would be a few more years before they’d provide real shade. But they did offer the birds food and habitat, which made Marika very happy. There was also a ramada and a picnic table, and a free-roaming bison at the top of the hill, less than 1000 feet from our campsite.
Outside the sofa window, the hills sloped down to a wide stretch of brown dirt and white alkaline beach, and then the glass blue water that is Great Salt Lake.
Great Salt Lake is one of the largest and saltiest lakes in the world, and provides habitat for millions of shorebirds and waterfowl. Antelope Island is the largest island in the Great Salt Lake. It is home to free ranging pronghorn, bighorn sheep, American bison, porcupine, badger, coyote, mule deer, and millions of waterfowl, and a state park campground.
We were originally going to be on the island for three nights, but because we opted to stay an extra night at our last campsite, were only there for two. There were several other campers in the campground, but all of them were at the other end of the loop, so Tillie and I had room to run/ride again.
That night Marika took a drive down to the ponds to watch some shorebirds. Tillie and I stayed home, safe inside from the biting bugs, and watched the sun set like a creamsicle, over the lake.
DAY 8
Antelope Island
Riding an e-bike is as thrilling as riding a regular bike, plus you feel like you’re flying! OMG! I signed up for an hour and a half guided ride around the island and it was the best $99.00 I’ve spent in a long time.
It was just me and Ethan, my 24 yer old guide. I had asked Marika if she was interested, since biking was a huge part of our early years. But with her replaced knee and new hip, she didn’t feel secure. So I went by and for myself. Other times I might have resented that she said no, or lamented that I had to go alone. But I was doing it all for me, and it was absolutely thrilling.
We rode all around Antelope Island, stopping at trailheads and parking lots for views and information. I pedaled with the wonderful electric assist that the e-bike offers. I could ride faster with less effort. And even when I was on an uphill and pedaling hard, I was doing 11 mph. And the downhills, OMG! I maxed out at 34 mph and loved every thrilling moment of it.
We pedaled up the visitor center, then down to the day use beach access area. The water in the lake is so low that it’s about a half mile hike to the water’s edge, and another half mile or so before it’s deep enough to actually float. Ethan said he remembered doing it in fourth grade, and how sticky and smelly he was when he got out of the water, and that’s why they have showers at the day use area. After hearing his story, I decided I didn’t need to have the experience first hand. Especially since the no-see-um bugs were showing up.
They only attacked when we were standing still, so Ethan limited his tour information, and we kept riding. We peddled out to the area where they round up about 500 bison every fall, to keep the island population under control. Two horses stood in a pasture and one came up to the fence for some pets. We saw a lone antelope, and lots of swallows and gulls.
On the ride back to the rental place, a bison was standing on the shoulder of the road, too close for us to pass safely. So we stopped and watched, thinking we’d pass behind a stopped car for protection. And then the bison walked a few steps away from the road and started rolling in the dirt, so engaged that it made passing him safe.
After lunch, Marika drove us around the island and I pointed out all of the places and vistas I had ridden to, and the downhill from Buffalo Point where I hit 34 mph.
The no-see-ums and mosquitoes kept me inside the rest of the day, though Marika sat outside with her mosquito netting face cover on, and called a friend. Tillie joined her, happy to lie on her outside cushion in the shade. I was glad to turn on the inverter and relax with the Food Network playing on the TV through my phone.
Day 9
Antelope Island to Brigham City
I had been fretting and worrying about driving through the traffic/construction on I-15 for DAYS. Even though Marika said she would be behind the wheel, and I just had to navigate. I am not usually one who spends a lot of time worrying about future things, but OMG, this was ridiculous. And for nothing!
There were NO accidents, NO slow downs, and only ONE place where the lanes split. Easy peasy. 37 miles and we were at our next campground before 11 am, two hours before check in time, but our spot was ready so we pulled in.
Before we had to change our plans, twice, we had reservations at a state park about fifteen miles south of Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge, the focus of our time here in Brigham City. When we finalized our plans for the third time, I chose to come into the city and stay at a private RV park, an easy ten minute drive to the refuge.
As much as I love camping in nature, it’s good to pull into an RV park every once in a while to take care of things. The Golden Spike RV park was clean and small, with three paved rows and ten spaces on each row. Our site was level and paved, which is always nice, and we had a manicured patch of grass and a picnic table. There was a laundromat on site, a Walmart across the street, and lots of fun restaurants to consider. With full hookups, we didn’t have to conserve water so we could clean thoroughly, and take longer showers. And they even had wifi and cable TV hookup, so we were really living it up.
The park was surrounded by box elder maple trees and pine trees, all in full spring bloom. Brigham City used to be called Box Elder for all the trees in the area. The grassy areas all around the campground were dotted with hundreds of dandelions. Of course I picked one and made a wish. When the breeze blew, I felt like I was walking in a snow globe of dandelion wishes.
After we set up camp and had a light lunch, we took Tillie to The Barking Lot, a dog park with grass and trees and agility equipment, behind a vet’s office. We were hoping Tillie would find a friend to play with, but there were no other dogs there. But there was lush grass, and so many smells, plenty of room to run and play ball, and then a soft, shady spot to relax.
We came home, rested a bit, then drove up to Main Street for dinner at the local’s favorite family diner because Marika had a hankering for ground sirloin with gravy and potatoes. I had crispy fried shrimp with tater tots and a delicious salad, with enough for leftovers.
And then we drove out to Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge so Marika could see where she’d be driving in the morning. Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge is one of the largest refuges in the country. Situated between the Pacific and Central flyways, hundreds of thousands of bird stop here enroute from north to south in the spring and fall. In April and May, songbirds and shorebirds, ducks, and birds of prey can be seen along the refuge roads.
The two lane road into the refuge cut through wide open areas, some with sand and dirt, some with reeds and ponds. The road followed a canal for twelve and a half miles to the beginning of the auto route, a twelve mile, one way road that takes you past ponds, mudflats, marshes, and fields, and all kinds of habitats for birds.
I was not up for the hour plus drive around, so we turned back toward town. Marika spotted terns, avocets and a few gulls on the drive out. We stopped at Peach City, where a carhop brought us mint chocolate chip ice cream cones, then we came home to a sleepy, happy puppy.
DAY 10
Brigham City
Marika left at six this morning to get to the Bear River Migratory Bird Refuge. Tillie and I snuggled in bed until after eight, then took a short walk around the park before breakfast.
I appreciated the overcast skies, the grey clouds creeping over the snow streaked mountain tops. It was only going to be 79°, and cloudy, so I didn’t have to rush out to get my bike ride in, like I did in Phoenix.
I was looking forward to the homey day – writing, laundry, food shopping, restocking supplies inside. But, due to Covid, they required a reservation to use the laundry, so it went on the schedule for the next day instead.
After Marika returned and rested, we shopped at Walmart. I restocked the house supplies, and wrote another 500 words. I rode my bike around the park, and then Tillie and I enjoyed another run/ride up and down the campground road.
Marika had an amazing time at the refuge. The mosquitoes showed up around ten and kept her in the car, but she saw enough birds to fill three pages of her spiral notebook. Tillie and I joined her for a drive on the auto route that evening.
There were thousands of white faced ibis and avocets feeding in the channels. Hundreds of red winged and yellow headed blackbirds flitted between the reeds, hovered in the air, even sat in the road. There were cinnamon teal ducks, mallards, two kinds of grebes, terns, and a handful of black necked stilts. And my favorite, floating fat white pelicans.
Tillie was just as interested in the activity as we were. Her nose poked out of the opening in her window, and she shifted from one side of the car to the other, tracking all of the movement.
DAY 11
Brigham City
Marika left at 6 again in the morning morning to head over to the refuge. Tillie and I lingered in bed until after 7, then enjoyed a lovely, cool, and quiet walk around the campground.
This campground was a lovely place to be spending our first extended stay of the trip. We could visit some local places of interest and not have to cram everything into one or two days. We also had time to nap, watch TV, and talk about where we were and what we were experiencing. It was a wonderful place for us to reconnect.
Marika and I are very much opposites. I am a planner, she’s a procrastinator. I clean up as I go, she leaves a messy trail. She fears change, I thrive on what’s next. She uses her imagination to worry, I use mine to dream. She likes spicy foods, I’m all about the sweet. I’m a sprinter, with a short attention span, she thrives with detail work and repetition. She locks the bottom lock, I lock the top. When we back into an RV spot, she will back up to the left and then pull forward to the right, while I will always go to the right and then the left.
Yet it is in our extreme differences that, when we come together, we bring the best of our strengths and powers and gifts, and we are an amazing team. In our 32 years together, Marika has helped me be more present, compassionate, and focused, and I have helped her embrace change, have fun for fun’s sake, and take more risks.
But when each of us is not happy with our own selves, those opposites clash, and become sharp points of contention. And in this last year and a half, with Covid, and not working last summer, the isolation has really exacerbated our differences.
The few months before we left Phoenix I was unhappy with much of my life. Marika was a very non-communicative hip surgery patient, and we were barely speaking about anything. I did my thing, she did hers, and all was fine. Except I felt so alone that I wasn’t sure I wanted to continue this life with her.
When I shared my feelings with her, she shared that she was probably depressed. And also healing from surgery. She felt she had no purpose. And that she didn’t want us to get divorced. I told her that I needed more connection and communication and intimacy. That I was committed to working on the relationship, with the hope that these next six months could give us space to reconnect and redefine our relationship. And I was clear that if things weren’t a lot different by the end of our summer gig, we would return to Phoenix and figure out how to separate.
I’d felt this way before, and even talked about breaking up before. But this time I felt clearer. Stronger. Because I finally realized that I can’t make her feel or do or be anything but who she is.
I realized that most of my misery came from expecting her to love me in certain ways. That I was putting all of my love eggs in her basket, and coming up resentful and empty every time.
I needed to re-spark my relationships, not just with Marika, but with myself, and the world. I realized that I wanted to fall in love with my own self. To be my own biggest source of feeling good.
Every night, as part of my Yoga Nidra for sleep practice, I set the intention to enjoy my life more. I wanted to feel as good about myself and my life throughout the day as I did when I was riding my bike.
I planned a weekly play date with a fun friend. I called friends on the phone. I started my online exploring of Mendocino, where we will be spending the summer. And I have been writing 500 words every morning, which I LOVE. I even told Marika that I was falling in love with myself, and she was tickled by the idea.
This new perspective has been everything. I find delight in what I’m doing, because I’m doing it for me, and with me. I don’t feel the old stories of resentment that I have to do it by myself because no one is doing it with me. And when, out of habit or simply feeling good, I want to say I love you, I say it first it to myself. And, when I am truly feeling love for Marika, I tell her.
Things are shifting with her, too. Now that we are finally on the road, she is relaxing, opening up, beginning to enjoy the newness of the adventure. She is engaging in conversations with people we meet, and walking without hip pain. She is saying thank you, doing little things for me, and sharing her observations. And now that we are in birdwatching country, she too, seems happier, filled up, falling in love with something.
And Tillie fills my every day with pure love and delight. She rolls on her back to be belly rubbed, tucks her nose close to my knees to be head petted, and even seems to enjoy being hugged and kissed. She usually comes when we call her, but she is also very easily distracted by scents and movements, so she is always on a leash. And even though she weighs 50 pounds, she sleeps long and lean between us in the bed, and we both have enough leg room to sleep.
And, best of all, she has adapted to a regular bathroom schedule, stays alone in the RV alone without incident, and waits inside until she’s invited down the steps. And she is able to get her zoomies in by racing from the sofa to the bed, and back again.
I guess we are all adjusting to the new rhythms and routines of the road. We’re remembering how good it feels to be in nature, to learn new things, and connect with people. We’re seeing how well we work together as a team when we both show up, and how much we both really enjoy living this life.
