Just a Dog Walk
On a recent coaching call, we were talking about the times and places in our lives where we could literally pay more attention, slow down, be more present.
One woman said that, often, when she’s walking her dogs, she’s doing it out of obligation and she just wants to get it done. She suggested she could slow down and enjoy the walk as much as they do.
After the call, Cody and I took our own walk around the neighborhood. I tried to keep him close, with the retractable leash locked at 6 feet so that he wouldn’t explore every neighbor’s lawn, but we are used to the full length of the lead, out in open spaces, so that we can walk at our own paces, stopping for each other as necessary, with minimal tugging.
This tight leash walking was new to both of us and there was too much tension on the leash for either of us to enjoy the walk. I wasn’t prepared for a training session, so I unlocked the line and we quickly settled into a comfortable pace.
My shoulders relaxed, my mind let go of trying to control the walk, and I starting thinking about the coaching call, which prompted me to consider how I could be present on this walk.
Cody was sniffing the oleanders along the alley next to the retired professor’s house, so I shifted my focus to just standing in my feet, and I immediately felt the need to stretch my arms up over my head. And then I saw the moon – shiny white, an almost full face, dangling in the sky over the downtown buildings. And I was so glad to be outside, in the not-too-cold evening air, walking with my wonderful dog.
Every time Cody stopped to sniff, I stopped too. I looked into the trees and the neighbors’ windows. I stood tall in Tadasana. I tried to find a star in the big city sky.
I smelled the sticky sap from the just cut branches of a very tall pine tree. I said hello to the man who was loading boxes into the back of his blue pickup truck.
I wasn’t thinking about my morning client, or the new floors for the house, or where we might go camping for Valentine’s Day. I was in my body, in my neighborhood, simply and fully enjoying an evening walk with my dog.
We didn’t walk far, just over to 10th Street, through the park and then home. But I was there for the whole thing. And I can’t wait to do it again.
We don’t have to sit on a meditation cushion in order to practice presence and letting go of our thoughts. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, we can breathe ourselves into the present moment and simply notice what else there is.
Embracing the Idle Times
“Beautifully Balanced” by Deborah South-McEvoy
There is such a push in this society to always be doing more, staying busy, increasing sales, growing your lists….. and it can be exhausting.
But if we slow down or take a break, we’re called lazy or unproductive.
Finding a balance between doing and being takes constant practice. Some days I do it much better than others. And sometimes I end up off the spectrum, thinking I’ll never find that balance again.
I know that I’m idling. I know why I am idling. I even know what I need to do to kick it into drive. But until I’m able to take that action, I’m being kind and gentle with myself, and breathing.
And so last week, I returned to my beloved yoga class, to familiar faces, to the clean bamboo floors, the silver air ducts, the ceilings hidden behind sheets of white linings that make me think of long spools of white butcher paper.
And after hugs and quick updates, I rolled out my mat, perfectly aligned it with the edge of the floor boards, then I got a blanket and two prop blocks, in case we did lunges.
I folded the wool blanket in half and covered the top two-thirds of my mat, and then I took my place at the uncovered edge, welcoming myself back to my mat. I breathed, eyes closed, folded forward and easily brushed my fingertips on the floor, then stood up with a deep inhale, bringing my hands in prayer position in front of my heart.
And then I laid down on my mat, with a bolster under my knees and I just noticed: the support of the floor, the buzz in the room, how my feet dangled inches above my mat.
And when I sat up on my bolster for the opening round of ohms, I was surprised that there was no resistance at all in either of my hips.
Because I HAVE been moving, and stretching and even doing yoga poses at picnic tables and at campsites.
What I most loved about my practice that day was how I got things moving on the INSIDE. Connecting with my breath, my spine, lifting, dropping, opening my heart, feeling the expansiveness of energy inside my body that makes it possible for me to be expansive on the outside!
No, there doesn’t seem to be much movement in my life on the outside right now, and that is because my insides have been stuck, slowed, recovering from all of the growth and movement of this past year on the road.
And I know I can’t rush things into action. But I can be gentle and forgiving and aware, and open to the changes I am beginning to remember that I want to manifest.
It’s that fallow time in the fields, when the earth is resting, renewing, readying for new seeds that will bloom in the spring. There is nothing to rush, nothing to do, but open my heart and breathe.
Un-Limiting Your Beliefs
When I was in my 20’s I imagined that I would be the next Great American Writer. I sat at my portable electric Royal typewriter every day, inventing stories about people, documenting my observations, journaling ideas for my first great novel.
One afternoon a friend said to me, “Why do you bother? There are no new ideas. Everything’s already been said.”
Now, she was an important person in my life, and very smart–– her IQ was high enough to join the Mensa Society–– and so I believed her.
And I stopped writing.
Twenty years later I took a deep breath and signed up for a creative writing class with an amazing teacher who encouraged my writing, challenged my skills and inspired me to write deeper and better.
One day in class she said, “There are no new ideas.”
My heart sank to my knees. No, not again. And then she finished her sentence.
“And so it’s your job as a writer to come up with new ways to say things so that people can see it fresh. New.”
There was such freedom in hearing a new twist on a belief that had limited me for so long.
Her words gave me the permission to pursue this thing that I love so much. More important, I believed in my writing again.
Another huge limiting belief I had was that, in order to be an author, I had to fly to bookstores all over the country at a break-neck pace to promote it. Once I realized I could do a book tour on my own terms, I was able to allow myself the joys of writing and publishing my first book, and going on an amazing solo cross-country road trip in my RV.
What beliefs do you have that may be holding you back?
Do you think only “artists” are creative?
Do you think you have to wait until you retire to enjoy your life?
Do you think that you can’t apply for that dream job because you don’t have the right degree?
Do you think only selfish people can be wealthy?
These kinds of limiting beliefs often hold us back from tapping into that wondrous place of passion and creation inside of us.
But when we are able to step back and observe these thoughts, we can discern if they are really true. And if they aren’t, well, this is where transformation begins.
Curious how changing one single belief can begin to change your whole life? Join the intimate Spark Your Heart, Ignite Your Life online coaching group. Details here!
The Power of a Word
Every year I choose a single word as a compass, a guide, a solid reminder of what I want to manifest for myself. The word serves as a touchstone for me as I make choices through the year. I post the word in my bathroom and acknowledge it daily, asking myself “how can I be that today?”
The first year I chose the word BE. Because I was always planning, dreaming and imagining the future, I was rarely present where I was.
BE-ing was very uncomfortable.
It made me slow down and experience where I was, not where I wanted to be NEXT. It made me sit still and feel my emotions. I began a yoga practice and discovered that the simple act of breathing can calm me and bring me back to the here and now.
The next year my word was VULNERABILITY. I wanted to let go of control and open to things that I didn’t have the answers to. I was ready to feel what was uncomfortable and go even deeper.
I had so many opportunities during that year to practice this: with relationships, how I traveled, choosing to apply for a job that I didn’t get. And I had emergency open heart surgery. Talk about vulnerability and letting go of control. It was the most amazing gift of an experience to be in that space of pure vulnerability and realize how much I was loved and supported.
The following year I chose ASK as a reminder that, even though I had fully recovered, I didn’t have to do everything all by myself. I learned to ask for support, money, ideas, companionship.
More important, I learned that it’s not about having the answers but being able to ask bigger questions and opening to the silence that is larger than me for deep and true inspiration.
One year my word was INTEGRAYTION, intentionally spelled with the word gray in it because I wanted to let go of my extreme black and white thinking and live more in the grays. And I wanted to find ways to meld my two seemingly opposite work worlds together more, to let go of my all-or-nothing way of being.
A friend gifted me a beautiful necklace with the word stamped in silver and it was a lovely expression of further integrating my work with my personal life.
Two years my word was been EXPANSION. I wanted more space in my life. I wanted to show up bigger, both inside of myself and how I connect in the world. I wanted to open myself beyond what I already knew, to what else might be possible.
Expansion is all about breathing deeper and living at the edge of what is familiar and comfortable. And moving into that opened space with courage and intention and faith.
Of course I had many opportunities to do this last year: with my back and my grief and finally writing and publishing Heart Sparks. And, as scary as each activity was, when I came back to my word, I saw how saying YES completely supported my desire for expansion every time.
This past year was all about adventure and newness and courage and connections. Instead of narrowing it down to a single word, I took inspiration from Tinker Donnelly of Heartworks, who offered the idea of life being an expedition, a pilgrimage, a PASSAGE.
She created a wonderful acronym to reminds us what we need on any passage:
P= Preparedness: Equipping ourselves with appropriate “gear and tools” for the journey. Consistent and regular spiritual practices.
A= Adaptability: Accommodating the road and/or changing direction when conditions prompt doing so. Willingness to move beyond the parameters of personal agendas and expectations.
S= Spontaneity: Capitalizing on what is present and exercising resourcefulness. Confidence and creativity applied to the needs of the moment.
S= Single-mindedness: Trusting the direction of our inner compass. Setting course according to the ‘true north’ of our innate sense of purpose and values.
A= Availability: Maintaining receptivity and openness to all that is on our path. Authentically revealing and discovering Spiritual Truth, without defense or pretense.
G= Gratitude: Loving the journey. Appreciating the experience of each precious increment of unfolding Good and consciously recognizing the gifts of every experience.
E = Enthusiasm: Demonstrating energized creativity. En Theos – Living an inspired existence!
I loved how each of these words supported me as I ventured into the new year, ready to experience things I’d never felt or done before, ready for the unfolding PASSAGE.
And now, a year later, I see how powerful the word PASSAGE has been for me. I am truly, literally, standing on the other side of so many beliefs, dreams and circumstances.
I am still playing with words for this coming year: co-creation, expand, stretch, book it, richness, exhilaration. I’m contemplating how I want to FEEL, what work sparks my heart most, what assistance I need to keep that kind of fire burning. I’m also asking myself how I want to be living my life a year from now, what would support me on my journey and where am I willing to take the most risk.
What’s your word for this year?
You may come up with several. Take some time to discern the one that will best help you do and be this thing you are wanting.
How can using this word help you live a life you love?
Consider choosing a word that makes you uncomfortable, that will most clearly align you with who and what you are wanting to become.
Please share your word here on the blog so that we and the Universe can support you through the year!
The Miracle of Light
This time of the year is all about the light. Chanukah is the Festival of Lights, commemorating the miracle of how the candles in the temple burned for eight nights, even though there was only enough oil to last for for one. Houses are decked in holiday lights. And Jesus was born under the light of the star of Bethlehem.
But in nature, this is the darkest time of the year.
And so we have to go inward to find our own light.
If we’re feeling confident, creative, appreciated, it’s pretty easy to tap into our own glowing goodness. We radiate love and compassion, for ourselves and others. And our shining light reflects on another person, creating an even bigger light.
But what about those other moments when sadness, frustration, even hopelessness overwhelm us?
Even if your light is not roaring in radiant flame, it is still burning. It may be just a tiny glow of an ember, but it is a spark for hope. It may be a faint flicker but it is alight because you are alive.
And really, all you need to do is fan the flame with a single spoken gratitude, the smallest of thank you’s and I promise you, the light will grow.
And when your light grows, the light around you grows. And suddenly, miraculously, you are no longer huddled in darkness. You are shining, radiating, basquing in the richest, truest light that is all of us.
May you find your light, know your light, and shine your light in the world.
“I honor the place in me where the entire universe resides.
I honor the place in me of love and light, truth and peace.
I honor the place in me where, when I am in that place in me, and you are in that place in you, then there is only one of us.”
~ translation of the word Namasté
How do you spark your own light? Please share by clicking on the Comments below.
Creating New Traditions
I love listening to my friends share their holiday traditions. It’s fun to learn about the old family favorites and especially the ones they’ve invented and created in recent years.
Traditions are often customs and beliefs passed down from one generation to the next. Sometimes we don’t even remember why we do it, or when the tradition started.
This year, I invite you to create at least one new tradition for yourself or your family. It might be enjoying a new food at your holiday meal. Or going on an outing. Or volunteering your time.
Not sure how to come up with a new tradition? Ask your friends what they do. Ask your kids what they’d like to do.
Here are a few prompts to help you think about the traditions you follow.
Every year, I …………….
I do it because ……………
This year, I am doing it a little differently.
Instead of or, in addition to……………….. I am ………..
I’d love to read your ideas. Please share them by clicking the Comments link below.
The Gift of Receiving
Most of us love to give. There’s the thrill of finding that perfect something for someone, the fun of wrapping it, the joy of watching them open it with anticipation and delight. You know that great pleasure you feel when they are so happy with what they are receiving.
So if giving is so joyful and wonderful, why is receiving so difficult for some of us?
I don’t mean just receiving a tangible gift. Many of us are uncomfortable receiving a compliment, a pat on the back, a kind word about who we are.
My friend Joy works out at the gym, is happily taking care of her physical body. One day I commented on how slender and fit she looks. Instead of saying thank you, she minimized the compliment by saying “oh, black jeans just make you look thinner.”
Why is receiving a kind word so uncomfortable for some of us?
The other day I was having lunch at a favorite Thai restaurant. Two women, obviously friends, were sitting at the next table. I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping on their conversation but when one friend offered to pay for lunch and the other put up her hand and said, “Oh, no, you don’t have to do that,” I had to butt in.
“Your friend just offered you a gift,” I said. “She’d love for you to just accept it and say thank you.” Caught off guard, the woman smiled at me and said, “You’re right.” She turned to her friend and graciously said “Thank you, that’s so sweet.”
Why are we so quick to say no thank you?
Maybe, instead of digging back to figure out the why, we can simply try a new way.
We can choose to simply accept the gift or compliment without giving in to those voices in our head saying “I’m not worth this, it’s not true, I don’t deserve this.”
We can open up and receive the joy of that person’s giving.
We can say thank you.
We can accept their gift with an open heart, a deserving heart, a worthy heart.
Several years ago I created a series of Blessing Bowls. Some were made from papier mache, others began as wooden bowls from thrift stores. Decorated with paint, beads and other founds materials, the Bowls held words like Peace, Breathe, Namasté, Success and Happiness. Several of the bowls contained the Lovingkindness Prayer.
The Blessing Bowls, designed to hang on the wall so that they wouldn’t be thoughtlessly filled with stuff collecting on a table, served as a constant and beautiful reminder to ask for what we want and need in our lives.
In this season of gift-giving, what gifts do you wish for yourself?
What do you need more of in your life?
What reminders do you need to help you stay focused on living the passionate and purposeful life you dream of?
A new gathering of Virtual Living Room Ladies will begin in January. The group is designed to help you discover what you truly need, what you deeply desire, and how to bring these ideas to life.
What a beautiful gift to give yourself this holiday season. Click here for all the details.
A Time For Thanks and Giving
image by Spirit Juice Studios
It’s that time of year when it’s easy to remember to be thankful. All of the turkey and ham commercials on television remind us to be grateful for what we have, and for the people in our lives.
But gratitude is an act for every day living, even without the festive meal. Click here for a great gratitude practice.
Still, this is a wonderful opportunity for me to say thank you to YOU, my loyal reader, for your enthusiasm, your support, and your open heart.
May this season bring you more ways to rest in your own heart and share your special gifts with those around you.
Hand in hand with being grateful is the self-less act of giving, of doing something simply to better someone else’s situation.
We can give our money, our time, our talents. We can donate our used items to an needy organization.
We can also give with simple acts of kindness.
- Open the door for a stranger
- Let someone go in front of you in line at the supermarket
- Check on an elderly neighbor
- Smile at every single person you pass, even the person asking for money
- Say thank you and graciously receive when someone offers to pay your way
- Give your partner or your child or your friend your full attention
- Pick up the litter on your neighbor’s lawn
- Wave someone into your lane in busy traffic
- Give someone a genuine compliment
- Call someone you haven’t talked with in a long time
I’d love to hear your ideas for giving. You can post them below by clicking on the Comments.
How to Make Any Decision – Take the PING or CLUNK Test
For many months after my open heart surgery, I felt things in my heart. Sometimes it was a fluttery feeling, sometimes a buzzing. Sometimes it was just an awareness of some kind of physical sensation. The doctors explained that it was just the nerves healing and that it would subside over time.
I especially noticed the sensations when I was feeling emotional or excited. It was like I had a special gauge in my body that physically reflected what was happening in my mind. It was odd, but kind of cool to actually FEEL my emotions right in my heart.
Several months ago I was doing an exercise with a stranger in a life coaching class and we had to stand as close to each other as we felt comfortable. I felt that buzzing sensation in my heart at the exact moment that I knew I was close enough. My heart sent a signal to my mind and I felt it.
I think everyone can tune in to this feeling in their heart. You may not feel an actual sensation, but you will connect to a strong sense of knowing. It just takes paying attention, connecting to your deeper self, and really listening for those tiny signals.
Here’s a great tool to begin to tap into your own heart’s signals. It’s called the PING or CLUNK test.
Whenever I am faced with a choice or a decision, I ask myself, does it feel like a PING or a CLUNK.
A PING makes my heart sing. I feel excitement, joy, an overwhelming desire to say YES. And I might even feel a little buzz in my heart.
A CLUNK feels like a heavy weight. It is joyless and unexciting. Words like dread, discomfort and obligation usually accompany a CLUNK.
The PING or CLUNK Test is a sure-fire system for discerning where I want to give of myself and my energy.
I only do things that are a PING. I say no to anything that is a CLUNK. The more I live from this place of my singing, pinging heart, the happier I am, and the more I am able to show up in the world, ready to give and connect and share with others.
The next time you have a choice or decision to make, ask yourself, is it a PING or a CLUNK. I’m pretty sure the answer will come quickly and clearly.
Then you’ll just have to choose whether you will follow what your heart is telling you.
Why It’s Good to (Sometimes) Be Selfish
All around me people are rushing and hurrying, taking care of people and things and the heavy worlds on their shoulders.
And they are tired and cranky and wondering why all of this giving and doing doesn’t feel very good.
Maybe because they are tired. Sore. Overwhelmed.
Maybe because they are forgetting to take care of themselves….
When did the word “selfish” get such a bad rap? When did it become a negative thing to take care of our own needs?
Isn’t taking care of ourselves crucial to our well-being? Isn’t self-care the way we stay healthy and able to give and care for others?
What if we embraced the idea that it’s OK to put our own needs first sometimes?
Imagine how rejuvenated and recharged you might feel…….
So many of my clients tell me that their biggest challenge is finding time for themselves. Not just finding time, but JUSTIFYING the NEED for time for themselves.
They tell me that it is so easy to do for others, to take care of everyone else, but that, when it comes to claiming any space for their own interests or needs, they feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and undeserved-ness and inability to make it happen.
Scheduling time for yourself is as important as scheduling everything else you have to do.
Self-Care is as important as doing the laundry, going to work, walking the dog.
When we take care of ourselves, we are more willing and able to give and care for others.
And yet it is so easy to get so busy with all other things and other people’s needs that we neglect our own.
I attend a weekly yoga class. For 90 minutes each week I give myself the opportunity to gather with like-minded people, practice breathing and stretching, and tune out the noise of everything else in my life and turn inward.
For several weeks during the summer I was so busy with work things that I took my yoga classes off of my calendar. It is no surprise that I was suddenly cranky, stiff and feeling overwhelmed with everything. The week I went back to class, I immediately felt balance and calm and clarity again.
Scheduling activities in our calendar is the key to getting things done. When we create the space and time for things that are important to us, we can actually do them.
So how do you take care of yourself? Do you even give yourself permission to?
Here’s a powerful Worksheet from the Living Room Ladies that can help you re-define what being selfish means to and give you a new way to create some much-deserved ME time in your daily life.
DID YOU KNOW??
In addition to writing this blog, I also lead workshops, retreats, and small coaching circles for women over 50 who are in transition–in their relationships, jobs, living situations, roles in life, or just in an in-between place in life.
