Moms, Casinos and the Power of Positive Thinking
Today is my mom’s 80th birthday and we are at a local casino, celebrating at the slot machines.
By the title of this blog, you might think that she hit the big one and is now a Mega Winner.
She is, but not in the typical terms of a casino.
Eight years ago, my mother was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. Most people diagnosed with stage three of this horrific disease die within three years.
My mother underwent chemo and radiation and, while she has lasting side effects from the treatments that make breathing more challenging, she was declared cancer free.
She incorporated more fruits and vegetables into her diet, proclaiming she was learning to “eat the rainbow.” She started letting go of the little things that aggravated her. She focused on the people and activities that bring her pleasure and joy.
She joined a writing group at the senior center. She began clearing the clutter of papers and photographs. And we resumed our weekly Scrabble games, this time joined by my father.
In 2007, five years cancer-free, we celebrated her miraculous health at the Ritz-Carlton with a delicious dessert spread, her plate inscribed in chocolate letters, Happy Living. The waitress was moved to tears when we told her what we were celebrating “I never heard of someone celebrating life like this. It’s wonderful.”
Two years later, the cancer returned, though still localized in the esophagus. Chemo was no longer an option, so they radioactively burned the areas with endoscopic treatments. The procedures were uncomfortable and left my mom with a sore throat for a few days, but she was a trooper and the regular treatments kept the cancer contained and slow-growing.
Her doctors call her remarkable. I call her amazing. Not just because she’s my mother, but because she continues to try new things, shift her thinking and maintain a healthy vision of herself.
This past year, a routine PET scan revealed some new hot spots outside of the esophagus. My mother underwent two rounds of chemo and the spots got smaller. So she endured two more rounds of chemo and side effects. She is scheduled for another scan this month to get a current assessment.
My mother attributes her longevity to her doctors, the support of others and to the positive attitudes surrounding her.
I truly believe that her attitude is the number one reason why she is still here.
Well known self-help, self-love advocate Louise Hay believes that our thoughts have everything to do with our dis-ease and health. Her ground-breaking book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE tells how she was diagnosed with cancer and how she cured herself with positive affirmations, visualization, nutritional cleansing and psychotherapy. She offers simple positive statements to readers to shift their thoughts about their own dis-eases. I have shared some of these affirmations with my mother and she says them, regularly.
Whether you believe it or not, isn’t it worth a try?
I invite you to look in Louise’s book for some healing affirmations for a dis-ease you may be experiencing. Say the words everyday, even if you don’t believe it will make a difference. Who knows. Maybe, just maybe, by shifting your focus to something positive, you will actually begin to feel a little better.
And maybe, if we invoke some of that positive thinking at the casino, we’ll come out big winners at the slots, too!
Action Comes Before Inspiration
We can plan and dream in our heads but we must be present in our bodies to take action, to move forward in our lives.
A lot of people think they can’t DO something until they are inspired. They think if they wait, inspiration will come and THEN they will do that great thing they thought of.
The truth is, action comes before inspiration.
In yoga, students are encouraged to find their soft edge, to stretch deep enough where you feel the stretch but do not feel pain. It is at this edge where the muscles release and then you can breathe in and stretch just a little bit further.
Moving BEYOND what is comfortable and safe is where real growth can happen.
So when was the last time you did something a little outside of your comfort zone?
It could be something that you’ve always wanted to do but were a little too scared, or something you never considered doing by yourself.
Maybe it’s going a movie by yourself, or taking yourself out for a lovely meal. Maybe you’ve always wanted to sign up for a class but didn’t want to do it alone.
I invite you to do something this week that challenges you. Maybe you’ll go on a solo road trip. Maybe you’ll get a massage. Maybe you’ll choose something you’ve wanted to do for a long time but just haven’t.
Choose something that takes you to your soft edge, that stretches you just to the other side of discomfort. It shouldn’t scare you, terrify you or put you in danger.
Ideally it will be something that, once you are doing it and looking back on it, you will feel an amazing sense of pride and accomplishment that, hey, I DID THAT!!
So get out and DO something!
Move out of your head and into your body and allow the space for inspiration to come.
Have a wonderful adventure!
Grateful = Great + Full
Gratitude is the single easiest way to shift your life.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failure into success, the unexpected into perfect timing and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
~Melodie Beattie
The universe is a magnet–if you are stuck in the woe-is-me and the worry of things, the universe will offer you more opportunities for woe and worry.
If you focus on the spaces where you feel joy and peace, you will experience more joy and peace.
The easiest way to do this is by being grateful for what is. Even the small things, especially the small things….
TRY THIS SIMPLE EXERCISE: BEING GRATEFUL (GREAT-FULL)
Every day, write a list of five things you are grateful for. Things that make you feel great and full.
They can be small things
big things
things that make you smile.
They can be people
places
synchronistic opportunities.
Try to write five new things each day
You do not need a special gratitude journal or thankfulness notebook. You can write on a restaurant napkin or the back of your grocery list. You can throw the pages out at the end of the week.
It’s not about WHERE you write them, but THAT you write them.
And if you write your list at the same time every day, it will become a habit.
Share your list with your friends. Invite them to write their own thank you notes to the universe.
GRATITUDE is a gift of the present moment. Gratitude shifts your focus immediately from what you don’t have, what you’ve lost, what isn’t and cannot be, to what is.
Gratitude brings you back to your heart.
From Fallow Fields to Flower Fields: Part 2
A few weeks ago, I wrote about letting go and having faith that something new will grow.
This week I realized that letting go is also about mindsets. Letting go of a desired outcome, letting go of the one way, the only way I see something working out.
This week I learned that, when I am able to release my strong hold on a particular scenario, space opens up for new possibilities, new ideas, new ways to achieve the desired outcome.
Imagine you are walking on a lovely path and suddenly, your route is blocked by a giant, fallen tree. You might get so focused on how the tree has blocked your path that you are unable to consider any other options. But if you would just step back from the tree, you might see a secondary path right there, waiting for you.
That’s what happened to me.
I was so disappointed that I didn’t have the money to keep working with my coach that I got stuck in that mindset. When I finally let go of the possibility of working with her, some kind of space opened up. It suddenly became clear that I didn’t have to risk it all myself, I could ask for financial help.
My parents are so happy to support my success and they loaned me the money. And I am, again, working an amazing coach who is calling me to live bigger in every aspect of my life.
Why didn’t I ask from the beginning?
Because the thought never even occurred to me. I was too focused on the fact that I, by myself, had to pay for it and I didn’t have the money.
So what are you so focused on that has you stuck?
How can you step back, let go and open to another possibility?
Un-Limiting Your Beliefs
Imagine what might be possible if you open yourself to a new thought
When I was in my 20’s I imagined that I would be the next Great American Writer. I sat at my portable electric Royal typewriter every day, inventing stories about people, documenting my observations, journaling ideas for my first great novel.
One afternoon a friend said to me, “Why do you bother? There are no new ideas. Everything’s already been said.”
Now, she was an important person in my life, and very smart–– her IQ was high enough to join the Mensa Society–– and so I believed her.
And I stopped writing.
Twenty years later I took a deep breath and signed up for a creative writing class with an amazing teacher who encouraged my writing, challenged my skills and inspired me to write deeper and better.
One day in class she said, “There are no new ideas.”
My heart sank to my knees. No, not again. And then she finished her sentence.
“And so it’s your job as a writer to come up with new ways to say things so that people can see it fresh. New.”
There was such freedom in hearing a new twist on a belief that had limited me for so long.
Her words gave me the permission to pursue this thing that I love so much. More important, I believed in my writing again.
What beliefs do you have that may be holding you back?
Do you think only “artists” are creative?
Do you think that you can’t apply for that dream job because you don’t have the right degree?
Do you think only selfish people can be wealthy?
These kinds of limiting beliefs often hold us back from tapping into that wondrous place of passion and creation inside of us.
An exercise, if you’re willing:
Choose a belief that you currently have that you would like to change. On a blank piece of paper, write the complete message.
In what ways does this belief affect your behavior?
Who in your life supports this belief?
How does your role in your workplace/relationships support this belief?
Now think about a new, healthier message that you would like to have that would replace the old message. Write that new message on a clean piece of paper.
In what ways would this new message affect your behavior?
Who in your life would support this new message and how would they do that?
How would your work place/relationships support this new message?
How would your personal and professional behavior (including decisions) reflect this revised message?
What is the first step you will take to embrace this new message?
Monday’s Question of the Day
What do you know today that you did not know this same time last year?
Please share your comments below!
From Fallow Fields to Flower Fields: Letting Go with Faith
This letting go business is tough.
When we let go of something, how do we know something better will come? What happens if it’s gone forever?
Whenever I start to doubt, I turn to Nature for assurance. Nature seems to be a wonderful reflection for us humans.
In Carlsbad, California there is a place called The Flower Fields where they grow acres and acres of ranunculus. From March through May, the fields are full with every color of flower: red, orange, yellow, white, pink, even purple, as far as you can see.
But after the season, the farm workers harvest the seeds from the crop and plow the fields down. They fumigate all the beds to be sure to kill everything. And they let the soil rest.
Through the winter the fields are empty, colorless, waiting.
In early spring, new seeds are planted by hand, row after row, the workers trusting that the coming year’s crop will bloom as colorful and beautiful as the year before. While previous harvests strongly support the possibility, there is no guarantee.
But the flowers certainly wouldn’t grow if the farmers didn’t first clear the fields.
It’s the same with us.
We have to let go of the old to make space for the new. We need to sit in that space of fallow fields, allowing our own ground to rest before something new can grow.
For the past 6 months I’ve been working with an amazing coach. She has inspired me to really step into the bigger life I want to live. While I’d love to keep working with her, the programs she is offering this coming year don’t fit my needs.
And so I am letting go.
I’m a little sad, a little anxious about flying solo, but I’m hoping that I’ll find a new coach who will continue to push me, encourage me and speak my language. Still, this place of in-between is a little unsure and uncomfortable.
There is a strong, old tree in my backyard that blooms with amazing purple-blue spiked flowers in the spring. Throughout the summer, my yard is sprinkled with lilac petals and I feel like I am living in a watercolor painting.
Last week, the gardener came and cut the tree back. Way back. It’s thick trunks now stand like plain brown poles, not a hint of a flower or seed. And I worry that the gardener made a mistake, that he cut too much back. That it will stand like that forever, never blooming again.
And I wonder if I have made a mistake, letting go of one coach before I have found another.
But then I think about The Flower Fields and I remember to trust the ways of nature.
Word For the Year: Expansion
My mentor, Christine Kane suggests that, instead of making New Year’s Resolutions for lofty goals that are impossible to keep, you consider picking a word to guide you throughout the year. She recommends that you choose a word that supports the intention for what you want to be more of in your life.
I have been using Christine’s Word for the Year practice since 2007 because it really works. The word serves as a guidepost for me as I make choices through the year. I post the word in my bathroom and acknowledge it daily, asking myself “how can I be that?”
That first year I chose VULNERABILITY. I wanted to let go of control and open to things that I didn’t have the answers to. I was ready to feel what was uncomfortable and go even deeper. I had so many opportunities during that year to practice this: with relationships, how I traveled, choosing to apply for a job that I didn’t get. And I had emergency open heart surgery. Talk about vulnerability and letting go of control. It was the most amazing gift of an experience to be in that space of pure vulnerability and know how much I was loved and supported.
The next year I chose ASK as a reminder that, even though I had fully recovered, I didn’t have to do everything all by myself. I learned to ask for support, money, ideas, companionship. More important, I learned that’s it’s not about having the answers but being able to ask bigger questions and opening to the silence that is larger than me for deep and true inspiration.
This past year my word has been EXPANSION. I wanted more space in my life. I wanted to show up bigger, both inside of myself and how I connect in the world. I wanted to open myself beyond what I already knew, to what else might be possible.
This is what happened in my year of EXPANSION:
In January I moved from my tiny guest house to a roomy 2 bedroom bungalow with great outdoor space for me and my dogs and every other thing that was on my wish list.
I completed a 100 hour Life Coaching program where I learned new skills to engage and encourage my clients. I connected with interesting people and inspiring teachers and I stood in front of a group of 150 people and claimed that I was ready to show up bigger in my life.
Despite “the economy,” my computer training business, Mac to School brought me more money this year than the last three. I offered a new product, unlimited email support, and now receive an extra $400-$600 every month in the mail.
My yoga poses have become more open, on and off the mat, and I am breathing deeper and fuller.
I opened to new definitions of relationship. Letting go of preconceived ideas and expectations has made so much room for deep, healthy, unconditional love in my life.
The biggest expansion has been with my Creative Living coaching. For the past several years I have been sporadically leading workshops that use creativity to encourage people to discover and live their passions. This year I was ready to expand the business and make it a bigger presence. But I had no idea how.
I had been telling friends that I was looking for ways to market the business and the following week an email from Christine arrived, offering a free teleconference called Upleveling Your Business-All About Customers, Creativity and Cash. It was exactly what I had been asking for.
At the end of the call Christine offered her 10 week Uplevel Your Business program. As much as the commitment and the price tag challenged me, when I came back to my word, Expansion, I knew that this was a sure fire way to really step into that bigger, more connected space I was asking for.
Because of the program, I have brought my coaching business Spark the Heart front and center. It was the impetus for the new website and all of the behind the scenes changes. Spark the Heart has brought me more money in the last 6 months than ever before. I led my first Creating the Life You Dream Retreat in the fall and have several workshops already scheduled for 2010. And I am clearer than ever that this is the work I am meant to do.
In all of this expansion, I also expanded in my physical body. And so my word for 2010 is EMBODY to bring awareness to my physical self so that I can more fully embody my work and be big in my life without being so big in my body.
What word would you choose to guide you through this coming year?
I invite you to write it down where you can see it every day. Let it guide you as you make choices and decisions. Let it lead you to a richer, deeper, more meaningful life.
Perhaps you’d like to share your word in the comments as an affirmation and commitment to your new word.
How To Be a Hero
from Niki de Saint Phalle's Queen Califia's Magical Circle
What story are you telling?
For the last two years I have been angry and resentful about the care I received after my open heart surgery that left me with an ugly and painful keloid scar. I wrote letters asking the doctor to take responsibility and pay for a scar revision but was denied.
When I finally heard myself telling my story out loud, I realized that I was holding on to all kinds of negativity that really wasn’t serving me. I had set myself up as a victim in my own story.
Once I realized this simple truth, I asked myself, what story would I rather be telling? Did I want to continue the fight and pursue legal action, fueling the anger and resentment? Did I want to keep seeing a part of my body as ugly?
I knew I needed to let go of the who-done-me-wrong saga and find a new story to tell where, instead of a victim, I am a hero.
What new story would you rather tell?
I thought about what I really wanted to happen. I considered what I could do that came from a place of strength and personal power.
My new story is that I am strong, healthy, healed. And that this year, I will make more than enough money to be able to easily afford to choose my own plastic surgeon and have the scar revision procedure.
It sounds simple, I know: Just tell a different story.
But it works. If you change the story, the story changes.
Already I feel lighter without the anger and resentment. I am no longer harboring those victim feelings. Not surprisingly, while my scar is still sensitive, it is a little less painful, less red, less angry. And my body really does feel stronger and healthier. And I know that I am healed.
It’s a great feeling to be the hero of my own story. I invite you to listen to the stories you are telling. Are they true? Would a different story serve you better? How can you be the hero of your own story?
No Cost Self-Care
Self-Care doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. It doesn’t have to be a day at the spa or a lavish dinner out. Even the simplest acts of taking care of yourself will bring great benefit to you.
So many of my clients spend hours in front of their computers. Most do not even think to take a break for anything more than a quick bite to eat or a run to the bathroom.
When we sit at our desks, our shoulders are hunched forward, our neck is stiff, our heart is closed. It is so important to regularly counter this posture with stretches and movement.
Take regular breaks from sitting in front of your computer
Get up from your desk and raise your arms slowly over your head. Grab your left wrist with your right hand and gently tug, feeling the stretch in your side body. Breathe into the space. Switch hands and stretch your other side, breathing into the stretch.
Shrug your shoulders up. Really squeeze them toward your ears. Then release. Do this several times, feeling the tightness dissolve. Roll your shoulders forward several rotations, then reverse the direction.
Release the strain in your lower back by gently folding into a forward bend. You don’t have to touch your toes for this to be effective. Bend your knees slightly and let gravity pull your body down, allowing your head to drop. Hang like a rag doll and breathe into your back body. Imagine the tension leaving your body.
Relief for your eyes
Long periods of staring at a computer screen can strain your vision. Look away from the screen at least once every hour and stretch your eyes.
Close your eyes and squeeze them shut, then open them wide. Repeat.
Slowly look all the way up, then all the way down, all the way left, then all the way right. Move your eyes in a slow clockwise circle, as if you are looking at each of the numbers on a clock. Reverse the circle, going counter-clockwise.
15 minute power position that is sure to boost your energy level
Lie on the floor with your legs up the wall. Close your eyes and just breathe. If thoughts rush through your head, just notice them and let them go. Feel the weight of your legs supported by the wall and focus on your breath. This simple position lowers your heart rate, brings the blood back to the heart, relaxes your legs, your back.
After fifteen minutes, slowly roll over to your side and take your time standing up.
Balance all of that solitary sitting with movement and connection
Take a walk outside in the fresh air.
Notice some living things around you.
Water the plants.
Kiss your pets.
Call a friend for a chat and a laugh.
Consider scheduling your computer time between errands and chores to give your body and your mind more variety in the day.
